i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
