a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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