He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
