I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
