I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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