the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
