I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
