Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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