you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
