So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
