No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
