rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I had to cum in my sink.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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