I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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