My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
