"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
