fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
