no, he came in my armpit
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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