Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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