My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
