Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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