I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
