Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
