is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
