there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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