Just fell off a train. Bad.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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