I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
