Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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