i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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