Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
