She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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