why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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