??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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