Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
