He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
