We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
