Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
