Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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