Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
