I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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