Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
either way he was missing a nipple.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
