I think my vagina is haunted
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
