Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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