my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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