You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
