I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
