don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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