my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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