im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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