Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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