I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
